Why I decided to volunteer
I believe that in anything that we do in life, we need to have frameworks to help us to be effective.
I have an overarching framework for living. Being a Christian, that framework for me comes from the Bible (specifically from Matthew chapter 25) and I categorized it into three aspects:
- My relationship with God
- My relationship with my work
- My relationship with people, especially those in need of help.
At the start of 2023, I wrote down my goals to do more to help people in need. That was when I considered volunteering with Strengthening Families Programme@FSC (FAM@FSC), which is part of Care Corner Singapore.
Why Care Corner?
Founded in 1981, Care Corner is a non-profit organisation with Institution of a Public Character (IPC) status. Care Corner works with community partners, donors and volunteers to uplift lives of the marginalised. Through integrated services for children, youths, families and seniors, Care Corner provides a holistic continuum of care to see them through life challenges.
My wife, Kooi Hoon, has been a volunteer with Care Corner Fam@FSC for more than five years as a buddy to couples under the Friendship Programme which supports transnational couples. I did not join her previously due to work commitments and I thought that mentoring couples was not an area where I could contribute much. However, my wife shared with me about her struggles with mentoring couples on her own since she could not address issues relating to the husbands adequately. Hence, I saw this as an opportunity to partner with my wife as opposed to volunteering on my own.
While researching on the history of Care Corner, I found the following Bible verse on their website:
“for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’” – Matthew 25:35-36
This was the exact verse that resonated with me on the importance of helping others in needs.
I knew that volunteering with my wife at Care Corner was the right thing for me to do.
Stumbling blocks
On 18 Jan 2023, I was interviewed by Teresa Wee and Serene Tan from Care Corner for my volunteering role.
While waiting for the outcome of my interview, my wife was diagnosed with stage 2A breast cancer on 9 Feb 2023. We decided that she would need to temporarily take a step back from volunteering to focus on her cancer treatments while I would continue to volunteer should I be accepted by Care Corner.
On 20 Feb 2023 my wife started with her first chemotherapy session and I received an email from Teresa confirming my acceptance as a volunteer on that same day.
Earlier during the year, my wife was reassigned from the Marriage Programme for Transnational Couples to the Dream Weaver Programme for young couples. The latter programme supports young couples to chart and work towards their life dreams. She was paired with a couple just before her cancer diagnosis. By early March, I took over befriending the couple from my wife.
A few weeks later, on 20 Mar 2023 I had a major heart attack and was rushed to hospital for an emergency surgery. One hundred percent of my front artery was blocked. I was warded at the hospital for three days and then given sixty days medical leave to recover. Nevertheless, I felt well enough to continue befriending the young couple after I was discharged from the hospital.
Non-starter
I was very excited with Dream Weaver Programme. I felt that it was a perfect match for me to mentor under this programme.
One of my passions is setting and achieving goals in actionable, quantifiable, and disciplined manners. I had been applying goal setting techniques that were used by major corporations to set personal goals. In fact, volunteering with Care Corner was one outcome of my own goal setting exercise. I had also been teaching my friends how to use these techniques for their own goals and resolutions. Hence, I was eager to guide the young couples in charting and achieving their dreams by using these techniques.
I soon found that I had to first overcome a major challenge ie, difficulty in trying to arrange the first meeting with the couple. The date had to be changed several times for various reasons.
Undaunted, I try to get the couple to write their dreams and goals properly through WhatsApp communications. I also provided them with resources for financial planning. In the end, little progress was made due to communications barriers.
I felt that I was in unfamiliar and uncharted territory.
I shared my frustrations with the case worker. She taught me that many of the young couples may come from challenging backgrounds and we may have to give them time and the space to warm up to us.
Due to certain developments, my engagement with the couple was discontinued before I had any opportunity to even meet them once.
I felt that the premature discontinuation was a setback even though there was nothing more that I could do.
Unlearn, Relearn and Re-Skill
On 13 May 2023, I attended a Befriender’s Training organized by Care Corner. Although I was provided with a briefing on my role as a befriender when I was first accepted as a volunteer, this training was intended to be a more in-depth training. It focused on fundamental skills to serve as an effective befriender.
Topics covered included how to cultivate our empathy, engage our befriendees and self-care. We spent a lot of time discussing case studies and role-playing. The topics were not new to me. However, in the light of my recent experience, it was an opportunity for me to reflect on how I could have managed my emotion better and be more patient for the relationship with my befriendees to developed.
Looking back, I realized that I was more eager to find and give solutions to my befriendees than simply being available to them as a friend. I was more focused in achieving results than taking time to understand their needs and concerns.
I went away from the training feeling recharged and with better clarity of my role.
On 6 Jul 2023, Care Corner organized an induction session for new befrienders. During break time, I had an opportunity to have a conversation with the presenter (Samuel Tan) and that conversation turned out to be another turning point in my personal growth as a volunteer. Sameul had been involved with social work among the youth for many years. He recounted to me his most memorable case. He was trying to engage a youth who had social anxiety. For many months, the youth would not open the door to meet Samuel and Samuel had to peek through the gap under the door to attempt to communicate with him. When the youth finally opened the door to speak with Samuel, Samuel could not hold back his tears.
That story had a deep impact on my paradigm.
Reboot
On 12 Jun 2023, Serene asked if I was comfortable to befriend a new young couple. My wife was nearing the completion of her chemotherapy treatments and she agreed to progressively resume her befriender role together with me, even though she still had to go through a surgery and a few weeks of daily radiation sessions. We accepted the assignment.
Up to that point, I had wondered if my volunteering journey would kickstart again.
It took a while to arrange for the first meeting with the couple due to their schedules but we finally met on 26 Oct 2023.
I have since learned to be more adaptable and to go with the flow with the priorities of the couple. Like laying the foundation of any building constructions, it takes time and attention to lay the foundation of any relationships and for individuals to grow.
It is more blessed to give than to received
There is a phrase from the Bible that says, “it is more blessed to give than to receive.”
One year on in my volunteering journey, I feel that the one who benefitted the most from the programme is myself. Through learning from, interacting with and observing the examples of the social workers at Care Corner and coupled with the exposure and training that I was given, I have developed my people skills in a new social context. This is in spite of previously scoring very highly in the aspect of empathy in various personality profiling assessments.
I have also come to appreciate the work done by social workers even more. They are the unsung heroes of our society who relentlessly plod on with their work to impact the lives of those in needs.
On 19 Jan 2024, Care Corner organized a Volunteer Appreciation Day. My wife and I attended the event. The programme was thoughtfully and meaningfully curated. The theme for the evening was “Shine Your Light.”
Many people face very challenging situations daily that go unnoticed by society at large. “Shine Your Light” reminded volunteers that as we extend our helping hands and lend our listening ear to them, we become the light in their world.
The highlight of the evening was the glass painting activity. Volunteers painted images on glass cups that represented words which encouraged them in their volunteering journey. I painted images of a seed growing into a plant, representing the word “growing.” This cup would serve as a reminder to me that the my befriendees takes time to grow. I cannot rush the process and just need to do my part (like a gardener consistently watering the seed) and trust that in due course, their lives will blossom. My wife painted images of flowers based on the word “warmth.” She seeks to bring warmth as a friend to her befriendees.
My wife and I are committed to being health and wellness advocates because of our own health challenges. One important pillar of health and wellness is “social connection” according to the American College of Lifestyle Medicine. While relaxing and chilling with friends and family are ways to build this pillar, we believe that helping those in needs tops the pillar of social connection. Fam@FSC at Care Corner is constantly recruiting volunteers for the following roles:
Please write in to fam.tm@carecorner.org.sg to apply or for more information